We made it!! January one. New year, clean slate, fresh start--all of the colloquialisms you can shake a stick at. "Resolution" has such an ominous, demanding tone--and I fancy myself more "goal-minded" anyway. You've got to throw some intentionality at whatever you're chasing to make progress in this life--you can't will change to just happen. Writing down your goals is a decent start, but sometimes you have to clear away some of what bogs you down in order to pave the way for good.

Here are some of the tactics I've woven into my thought process as I ponder what I want out of 2019:

• Start with the easiest: write down what you want to achieve. Make it your own, start small--really consider yourself and how you want to grow--if you know you struggle with getting stuff done, do whatever you need to do to keep your goals measurable and achievable in increments. You're more likely to be successful in your pursuit if you have tangible steps outlined, written down, and yeah, even posted or visible somewhere to keep yourself accountable.
  
• Strongly reevaluate your screen time and what you're filling your feeds with. Even the most confident of people is weighed down by the fluffy posts inundating our social media streams. Take some time to purge your feed of anything that holds you back -- friendships that aren't building you up, stores that are draining your pocket, joke sites that are a waste of time. Keep it fresh, and curate it a bit to reflect the kind of person you're aiming to be.
  
• Commit to a daily ritual that keeps you grounded. It could be a morning prayer or meditation, or a walk and a podcast, or afternoon cup of tea while you take a couple minutes for some mindfulness, a consistent schedule for working out, a half-hour each evening for reading. Keep some routine in your day that drives you along as you pursue whatever it is you're aiming for. Even if the task isn't directly linked to whatever your goals are, the structure is good for you.
  
• Do your research. Read more about whatever it is you want to know more about. I love memoirs, personally, because I deeply love people. I love psychology and understanding why people do what they do. I love personal development because I want to spend my days becoming the absolute best version of myself. Identify what gets you going and stop at nothing to understand why. Not a reader? Find TED talks and podcasts to drive your focus. Seek out a networking event or organization to keep you accountable. Just do something.
  
• Keep an attitude of gratitude. Successful people attribute so many of their wins to mindset. About understanding they won't always succeed on the first go-round, and to trudge onward, undaunted. Find things you're thankful for and be vocal about it. Positivity is infectious, and you attract what you emanate. Remaining upbeat will drive your momentum and keep you on the walkway to your own wins.

Finally, check in with yourself. Reevaluate where you need to. Set calendar alerts for yourself at intervals--are you on your way to getting what you want, come April? August? Don't be afraid to share yourself with a mentor or close friend in an effort to hold you true to your goals.

My 19 in 2019 list is coming soon, but for now I want to know: what are you looking at 2019 for, for yourself?

Gah, blogging is such an ebb and flow game for me. I stick with it and mosey back here every couple of months because I love having the outlet. I love retreating to this little nest to just purge my thoughts into. I come up with ideas I want to write about constantly, almost daily... I just don't have the time or energy or need to pour it all out here on a consistent basis. I'm skeptical of people who post daily... I think part of me doubts that authenticity that I try to stay true to myself.

I dare say I'll never traipse into the world of fashion blogging. Can't really see myself ever transitioning into a mommy blogger--though, it's arguable that my obsession with my pups would be a great precedent for documenting the requisite chaos and cuddles with human children. Definitely don't have the patience or time to be a food blogger. So... where do I fit in? I've asked myself that for years when it comes to this scene.

What I've settled on--after being in the blogging game for about 15 years, give or take--is that I'll always just return here when something strikes a chord within me. Not to say everything poured out onto this page will be dripping with deep substance... but I can promise that when I write, it's because I want to have a voice about something, something that resonates--not merely stick to a schedule, or follow an expected cadence of post formats.

That said, more and more lately has been igniting me... beckoning to me to return here again in order to try and fit feelings onto a screen in an attempt to find some semblance of order and sense. Coming to terms with toxic relationships, the loss of McCain and what that means for our country's future, being shaped by a small town and the resentment and pride that encompasses that, drawing boundaries with people in order to become who I'm supposed to be. It's all swimming in my head, begging for some structure.

So... stay tuned. And thank you for reading still. 

The last month of my thirties was marked by all of the celebrations: the requisite birthday shindigs, with a side of revving up for the holidays too. And so, so much champagne.

November is traditionally my golden month: autumn is firmly in place, my birthday is at the end of the month, Thanksgiving has long been my favorite holiday... it's just unquestionably, the best thirty days of the year for me. December is much too bustly and anxiety-ridden, but November? November is all mine.

And for the highlights... I've upped my fundraiser game significantly in 2016--and had a blast at Taste of Nashville with friends I've grown closer to in 2016--and helped with Our Kids Hammer Down race early in the month. The dreaded election came and went, and we all held our collective breath for the duration of a Tuesday night--luckily, I was tipping back the bubbles at a surprise bridal shower I helped throw for one of my best friends that evening, so we had ample distraction from the circus. An obscene number of hours was spent skipping around my kitchen, prepping (that damn green bean casserole) for a handful of different Friendsgivings. I logged the last few outdoor runs of the season (thirty-one years and still not a morning person, so that ain't happening before work)--thankful the temperature and daylight savings time offered to be on my side for a bit longer. My sweet, sweet friends spoiled the hell out of me with--count 'em--four birthday parties. And I rounded it all out with the loveliest Thanksgiving here in Nashville with my sweet friend Morgan, and her adorable family.

All in all? Exactly what I needed. November was the proverbial bow on top of a pretty charming year, highlighted by friends who have thankfully and effortlessly become my family, showering me with their love, depth, laughs, and endless loyalty. "Friends" just seems like too hollow and generic a word for the category of people I've been surrounded by since moving her. Cheesiness, be damned: I am so, so thankful--every single day, I'm thankful.

At 31, I am still hopelessly in love with this town, its quirks, its magnetism--but undoubtedly, the absolute best element of my life are the people who I'm so unimaginably fortunate, love me as hard as they do.

Come at me, 31... I'm so ready for you.

I have come to crave this time of year--the weight of winter and lingering reminders of how much loss December is tinged with is like a wet down coat I can't wait to peel away. And yet, May ushers in it its own heartsickness. My mom's birthday is May 19th, usually the week after Mother's Day... two days of my year that are undoubtedly some of the hardest of my year, every year. My Mimi and my mom both died in December, almost exactly three years apart. Mimi practically raised me and my brother when we were really tiny, and honestly, losing her was every bit as hard--if not harder--than losing my own mother. And lately, my mind has been inundated with memories of the two of them... and it's just too much to wrangle. I'm a little bit of a shell--magnified by the endless racks of pink and Mother's Day cards and email reminders from florists that DON'T FORGET: MOTHER'S DAY IS MAY 8TH! It happens every year: the month of May just knocks me off my feet.

Wednesday after work, I just wanted to be outside with my little dog. To decompress, to get away from all screens, to do something else. Mother's Day is looming, and I just wanted to think about anything else. Anything at all. Upon surviving the commute, I robotically climbed into my running shoes, grabbed my headphones and her leash, and we moseyed to the greenway. I resisted the desire to jam the earbuds into my ears and check out--and instead stayed attune to the cadence of her little paws grazing the walkway. I fixated on the cardinals that seemed to flitter alongside us (cardinals always, always remind me of my Mimi). An uncharacteristically cool 57 degrees, we got lost in the endless sprouts of clover sidelining the trail, in the tangy familiarity of dill and honeysuckle, in the damp haze of the muddy earth at our feet. The earbuds dangled from my neck, unused, as we walked along the riverbank in sweet, relative silence.



It was the exact prescription I needed for that hour--an unexpected sanctuary that I was pulled into--if for no other reason than to break out of my routine. To be surrounded by the things that remind me of home, of my family, of two of the women who were at the forefront of molding me into who I am. Between the honeysuckle and cardinals, the springtime wrapping itself around us, I skipped back home and felt almost instantly better. Like this phase of life really is part of a master plan, and you know, maybe, it's not so bad. That I don't have my mom and grandmother anymore, that the memories of them aren't enough, but that they're mine--the memories and the women. I'll always be able to recenter and realign, and ultimately, I'm not straying too much from who I am. That it's all okay, and I'll always get back to me. Just channel your inner Scarlett O'Hara and take a deep breath, Megan.

It makes logical sense to think that the older you get, the more wisdom you attain, and the more solid you feel as a human being, an individual, who you are meant to be. I'm here to tell you that in a lot of ways, I'm more lost at 30, than I was at 20--even if that sweet ignorance wasn't exactly wisdom, it was enough to make me think I had it all together. In most ways, I am loving this stage of life... it isn't dripping with the murkiness of my 20s, I'm living life in a city I truly love, surrounded by deep and meaningful friendships, making big and little plans, and I have a better grip on what I want out of my time on earth.

But the past six months have been hard.

Being single for the first time since high school--not ultimately fun. Dating? An utter joke. Reigniting the beloved relationship I spent seven years in? Challenging (but good). Being homesick, shedding bad friendships, still trudging my way through a new-ish career path, and hoping I'll end up where I want to be in this life? All so overwhelming, to put it mildly. And when my mind trails back to the fact that my mom and grandmother are dead, it's all just too much. Way too much. It's been years after they both passed away, and typing the word "dead" in the same sentence where I reference these two feisty and women is enough to take my breath away... and now, the tears won't stop.



All of that to say, I have had some magnificent women in my life. My stepmom is an exceptionally strong and kind-hearted soul, and directly responsible for my becoming a bookworm and a bargain shopper, and will always be one of the first people I'd call in a crisis--especially about dog matters or cooking. ;) She is and has always been very good to me.

But still... the hurt is still raw when I remember them for more than a passing moment. Mom and Mimi. Connie and Paullettia. I baked a hummingbird cake on Wednesday night when we returned from our walk--my Mimi made them when I was little. Last night? I watched "Pretty in Pink" as I finished a workout--my mom lived for those quintessential 80s movies, and had a Molly Ringwald thing about her. I listen to the Eagles a lot when I miss my mom. I bake or sew when I miss my Mimi. I do all of these things in a desperate attempt to keep them alive somehow, to cling to the happier memories--the tangible things that I can clutch. To keep them here with me.

Back to our Wednesday walk. Halfway through the walk, we stumbled across a shattered tree trunk--an obvious result of the earlier thunderstorm. And it was a little too proverbial: broken bits strewn across an otherwise familiar path I've been navigating time and again. I stood over the wet wood shards for a while, actually laughed to myself at the imagery, stepped over the mess in a decision to stop taking everything so seriously. To stop thinking I can handle it all, to cut myself a little more slack. Deep breath: it'll be okay. And the love and wisdom I gained from these two incredible ladies will forever live within me too.




I know there's more than a handful of "not everyone has a Mom" articles floating around the internet... but I'm tasking you with remembering those who don't have someone to buy flowers for, or who'll be sitting at a graveside, instead of a brunch table or church pew. Mother's Day is way, way tougher on me than my mom or Mimi's birthdays, or even the anniversaries of their deaths. I think the heartbreak stems from watching seemingly everyone around me--my own friends now included--on this one exclusive, springtime Sunday, dedicated to loving and adoring moms everywhere. It's really hard for a lot of people... even years after they said their goodbyes. Just please keep that in mind as you're buying the gifts and planning the surprises. it goes a long, long way with the ones who aren't hugging their moms this weekend.

And that said? Happy, happy Mother's day to everyone, near and far. Moms, stepmoms, grandmoms, godmoms and second moms, new moms, dads who play moms, dog moms, those waiting to be moms and those who want so desperately to be moms. So much love to you... momming is hard, and you deserve all of the love and affection on this Sunday, and everyday. :*

That said--did you see Lady Gaga's performance last night? The somewhat recent focus toward our country's rampant sexual assault problem is inspiring and casts a sheet of hope over an otherwise cynical stream of news headlines. I really, really appreciated the fact that such a broad platform was accessed to shed light on this horrendous epidemic.




...and Brie Larson's embracing of every survivor yielded all of the sobs and firmly secured her place on my Girl Crush Island. That said, go see Room. She earned every single ounce of that eight-pound statue.

Also, Mad Max was so bad I left the room and I fell asleep during The Martian. Weeks later, I'm still thinking about The Big Short, Spotlight was utterly fantastic, and I think Julianne Moore and Olivia Wilde stole the show in the dress department.

And I can't wait to see Brooklyn and The Danish Girl.

Oh, and yay Leo. :| There's my recap.

So... this is 30. My birthday was about five weeks ago, and this year is dwindling to a close in a matter of hours... so what better time to highlight three decades of living, memories, mistakes? Of worries and agonizing loss and big surprises and timeless stories. It's really kinda hard to wrap my head around, but I'm getting there. But, thirty? Deana Carter said it best: "I still remember when thirty was old..."

I'm kicking off this decade of life as single for the first time since I was living under my parents' roof--which is exciting and somber, and daunting and new.

I want to do everything and do it well, to be the best at it all--competing with no one but myself. And I've asked myself why? What's to gain from another board position? Another project? Another after work endeavor? And you know, I honestly don't know. What I do know is that I was never equipped to sit still--being busy is what brings me joy... my Mimi lovingly likened me to "a maggot in hot ashes" but even I know there's a scarily fine line between the allure of bustle and exhaustion of burnout.

This year, more than ever, I'm asking, where did the time go? I've bounced from small group Monday to Junior League on Tuesdays. Networking events and social hours here and there, and feeling guilty that I'm not working out more, or taking Maizie to the dog park, or savoring and growing from my alone time. How do you snap out of that routine when it's so ingrained in who you are? So, here I go with my attempt at rewiring myself.

Last year, I scribbled out 29 things I have learned in my blip on earth. So in an effort to have some sort of documentation of where I am now, here are 30 more.

1. This one is a little bit of a repeat from last year, but it demands mentioning again, as it's been a theme for me this year: the best of friends just effortlessly become family. Similarly, this year has been a test--lots of relationships to stare at long and hard and consider: is this truly good? Only a few are meant to stand the test of time and that's okay: ridding yourself of people who aren't for you just frees up more room for the ones who build you up, warrant your love and attention, and renew your soul by filling up those little corners of your life where they seemed to just live all along.

I undoubtedly have some of the most grounded, loyal, hilarious and thoughtful friends in the world, and I pinch myself for how lucky I am, and how much better of a person I am because of them.

2. Thirty now isn't what it was when our parents were thirty. It's okay--gasp, even standard--to feel lost. It's taken a while, but I am comfortable in the unknown, knowing it's never permanent, and most of the growth in life comes from wading through the gray area.Sometimes it's easier said than done, but embrace it... from what I hear, being lost is just a part of life. Rest easy, you'll get to where you're going. One of my favorite movies this year ("This Is Where I Leave You") has the best, best, best quote interwoven into its script:


3. It's 100% okay to miss or love someone you know you can't have in your life. Sometimes the absolute hardest thing to do is turn around and walk the other way. You really are stronger than you think you are.

4. Eyebrow threading hurts like a bitch. Jury is still out on if the precise result is worth the endless eye-watering. Just trust me--don't do it. Don't listen to what I said about being stronger than you think you are.

5. Splurge on bras, towels, yoga pants--and I've said it before and I'll say it again: find a cheap mascara that works for you.

6. I will always be judgmental about bbq and tacos. #texasforever

Relatedly, sometimes you have to get out into the world just to truly gauge how wonderful the place in which you started out is.

7. A hangover at thirty is far, far worse than a hangover at twenty. After you rage, take advil before you go to bed... drink double the water you think you should and keep makeup wipes and b12 drops in your nightstand. Trust.

8. Intentionally spending time away from a screen is one of the most energizing things for my soul. Being outside is even that much better. I have been intentional in taking time away from anything with an "i-" prefix, and subsequently made mental notes about how much more clearly I can think, and how much more I appreciate those around me.

9. You really need to trudge through the hell of a bad job to fully understand how great a good job is. That said, when you find that good job, cherish it and work like hell. You spend way more time with colleagues than you do the people you love at home, so do your part to make it a good environment. Don't complain, don't be entitled.

10. People remember the things you cook well... so find a recipe (or five). Make your own signature dish, and savor the way your heart fills up when you're asked to bring it to the next shindig.

11. I'll never be a capsule wardrobe kinda girl, but there is something deeply empowering about finding the outfit formula that suits you...me? Trench, wedges, statement necklace. Invest in good pieces and getting dressed will never feel like a chore.

12. There's nothing wrong with being a creature of habit--every day I start with strong coffee and NPR, and every day I end with yoga pants and puppy snugs. And I'm all the happier for it.

13. Facetime your parents. Even if you see them frequently or live nearby--it's really cool to see them learn a technology that evolved in our era, but better yet, realizing that they're not the same age as they were when you were living at home is sweetly sobering, and every moment you have can be precious--even if it's on a screen.

14. It will greatly benefit your soul to know what soothes you--and to take strides to create an environment for it. I started mindfulness exercises and meditating this year, made more time for yoga, and yeah--even essential oils--and as much as I formerly wrote it all off as pseudo-witchcraft, it has really changed me. It doesn't all have to be holistic--being outside with Maizie, no headphones, just immersing myself in the world refuels me like little else can. Some nights, sharing a bottle (or three) of wine with a girlfriend is the absolute perfect formula to pull me back on my feet. Figure it out and go with it.

15. Just because crop tops or fringe ain't your thing doesn't mean you don't belong at the music festival. Plan to go to at least one in your life (I wholeheartedly recommend ACL!!). I daresay you won't find that level of fun at many other events.

16. Take the time to learn what your insurance covers and what your investments mean--car, home, health, 401k. You're a grown ass woman. No more excuses (see also: My Resolutions 2016).

17. When you take the time to engage in debate with someone, keep it respectful. No one being challenged by ignorance or arrogance--especially regarding topics of passion... remember that in the throes of this political season. ;) And also, do your homework. Educate yourself.

18. Always trust your gut. Give people the benefit of the doubt until their actions don't warrant it anymore. And when you're feeling rough, take a long shower, blow-dry your hair and vacuum your place. It's kind of tough to feel down when you're looking good and your home is spiffed up.

19. A fridge without multiple cheeses, salsa and an abundance of wine is just a frosty, lit case of sadness and lost potential.

20. The Avett Brothers said it best... "decide what to be, and go be it." There's no true formula for happiness in this world, and everyone's chasing a different dream--but the truest lesson I've learned is that you have to pave your own way, and strive to be true to yourself. Stop seeking validation that is empty anyway. You won't be the girl that everyone is for in this lifetime, but that's okay--cling to those who you are for.

21. And don't beat yourself up if you didn't accomplish everything on your to-do list over the weekend. Hell, don't beat yourself up at all. The world will do that plenty. You have to be your own biggest fan in this lifetime. Learn to look at your hurt as yet another thing you've overcome--nothing is a true loss if you take the time to learn from it.

Also? This is somewhat related: remember how painfully curated social media is. Your life is way better than you're likely giving it credit for.

22. Buy an address book, keep it updated. I really love that I've had friendships that have spanned a long enough timetable that I own a tattered, whited-out collection of addresses to prove it.

23. It's totally okay to have a theme song... orrrr soundtrack.

24. Back up your beloved photos to something that has nothing to do with barometric pressure.

25. It's totally acceptable for dreams and expectations to evolve. We're always growing, so the things we want and hope for in life really need to shift right along with us.

26. Take the time to truly connect with people. Put your phone down and listen to what you're being told. Make plans and stick to them. I want to be remembered as the girl who you could call at 3 a.m. with whatever quandary you had... the one who sent cards for no apparent reason, remembered dates--big and small, and was so crazy about her little dog, that she baked all of her treats and shared them with all of her friends' dogs too.

27. Go to great depths to find your cause. Pour your heart and soul into it. Nothing is more heartwarming than getting lost in helping someone else... big or small.

28. Learn to say no. This overlaps into so many areas of life--professionally, personally... it is empowering and offers a sense of direction not found many other ways. Take charge of your own life and truly embrace the things that you want to spend your time doing.

29.  Make it a point to take food to a new mom. Tell her how well she's doing... and ask her how she feels. I've had so many dear friends become mamas over the past handful of years, and very often, all they want is to sit down and vent about mamahood. Listen to them, make them feel heard.

30. One of the toughest lessons I've learned is how the idea of "home" changes. You should know you can always go home again... but in the end, it's the people around you who make "home" what it is.




Here we go, thirty.

So, 2014? you weren't half bad. Here are some highlights...

With spring in high gear, the foodie trend continued on. Tried a Nashville staple (hot chicken!) for the first time (subsequently fell in love). Completed a Pure Barre challenge and managed to genuinely love it through the pain (21 classes in 30 days sounds a lot easier than it is in reality). Partied at Highballs and Hydrangeas with my girlfriends and ST, and knocked another Nashville to-do off my list. Discovered a recipe for Oatmeal Cream Pies that is insanely good and instantly became a new go-to. Chopped off my mane in favor of a springy 'do. Started winding down my days with my favorite little four-year-old. Indulged in springy foodstuffs from Trader Joe's. TJ's gets me every. damn. time.


Watched my favorite teeny girl become a tiny dancer... right about the time they had to move on to a full-time nanny and my heart broke into a million pieces. Kicked off the first of many grill sessions with ST. Spent Memorial Day in Birmingham with the dearest of old friends. Watched ST build some badass shelves for our living room with his bare hands. Introduced Maiz to Home Depot (she loved it. obvi). Jumped headfirst into freelance event work. Had some pup playdates. Worked Vanderbilt graduation and had a bittersweet lunch date before sending my fantastic little student worker back home to St. Louis to change the world.



Invested in camping gear... for everyone. Headed home to Texas for the first of what is promised to be a traditional summertime camping trip (complete with this 8-person raft that is undoubtedly the coolest thing I'll ever float on). Took Cary to DC for a little educational escape--prompting lots of memories from my childhood trips. I sneaked away to the Library of Congress for a rainy afternoon while the boys finished at the Natural Science Museum. The Peach Truck became a sweet, sweet staple in our home. I helped throw a baby shower for my dearest Chelsea, and we carried on with Daddy Day Donuts as a Father's Day tradition.


We practically swam in fresh vegetables, they were everyone in our house. Partied for Chelsea's birthday with an extended girls' night out. Was "inducted" as a skimm'bassador. Witnessed downtown Independence Day fireworks from our rooftop. Officially celebrated Cary into being a teenager. Logged lots of outside time with Maiz. Found a chocolate cake recipe that quickly became ST's most requested dessert. Hosted my dear college friend in Nashville for her second visit. Dug up a peach shortbread recipe (to alleviate the leftover peach problem from the Peach Truck obsession, clearly) that is a new favorite (never really realized quite how much I bake before drafting this post).

Ahhh... The Month of Work Travel! August kicked off lots and lots of travel for us. I headed first to Charlotte for a work trip, and a few days later, another one in Houston (where I was fortunate enough to stay with my BFF Jorden and soak up a few days with her). Celebrated Grace's birthday on the farm. Headed back to Texas for my ten-year high school reunion and the first Baylor game at McLane Stadium. Hosted more dinner parties at home (and I find myself thinking, "when were we home?!"). Had the hottest date at my reunion, and spent really good quality time with my childhood BFF as well.


Celebrated my third brother's wedding in Texas. Loved on sweet baby Luke (born August 25th!) and his awesome parents. ST and I heard Griffin House (an old favorite of mine) play as part of the Americana Music Fest... and I saw my first Symphony performance earlier the same night (we're hardcore like that). Had a super successful first Family Weekend at work. Kept up with our routine of allowing Maiz to accompany us to Home Depot. Volunteered with some sweet kids with our church. Saw the Wild Feathers at Live on the Green with my girlfriends (all of me was there, despite the photo evidence).


November was the month that rivaled August with the travel bit... fall was officially in full swing in Nashville. My awesome boss and I headed to San Diego for an incredibly inspiring conference... and I got to see my sweet aunt, uncle and cousin! The girls and I kept on discovering new happy hours locations (heyyyy, the Sutler!). I got to spend some sweet, sweet time with my two favorite Nashville girls. I wished a dear work friend farewell as she moseyed on to a new job. ST and I headed to Charleston for the first of two weddings... we had a fabulous time celebrating Nicole and Todd--and Maizie appreciated her beach time. We celebrated my birthday dinner there (Fleet Landing is fabulous), before heading to Texas a few days later for wedding #2 with Courtney and Joey. We hosted our dear friends for Friendsgiving, and spent Thanksgiving in Texas with my family--and managed to squeeze in a Baylor game too.



Happy, happy new year to you and your's. Thank you for sticking around with me.