M is for MOXIE.

//via.//

Here we go, another debaucherous season of the Bachelor franchise has eeked its skeezy way to the network! I am a huge fangirl of both Britt and Kaitlin (as you are well aware) last season, so I wasn't really peeved about the twist on this season as many seemed to be.

While I don't really think the multiple guy scenario yields itself to the quality commentary that comes from a quality season of the Bachelor, I can't resist a good overview!

• Loving their dresses... they both look amazing.
• Wow, the intros are so awk, both of them on full display for everyone's exchanges. 
• So, basically half the guys are from Nashville and the other half are personal trainers.
• Whoaaaa, drunk Ryan. Button it up.
• My top picks: Ian! Joe from Kentucky (moonshine! nice touch!), Joshua the welder from Idaho, Ryan from Florida (dying over that scruff and suit), Ben the software guy, Ben from California who was in the NFL. Cory from Pearland (is he the lone Texan?), JJ "I'd love to puck you," Tanner with the tissues.
• Not feeling: Jared from Rhode Island... yoga healer Tony. Kupah the overzealous entrepreneur. Corey the former investment banker. Shawn the "amateur sex coach." Not really feeling any of the three Nashville guys. The stripper-attorney has to go too. Clint from Chicago looks like he might be in WWE on the side.
• Dark horses! Where ya at?
• Fun fact: Shawn B. is from the same hometown as some of our closest friends. Apparently a really great guy, my sources report.
• A little surprised that Kaitlin was chosen over Britt... but happy, nonetheless.
• The music they're playing is eerily similar to the score of Homeland. Is there a terrorist in the house? Is Carrie Mathison looming by the pool?
• Poor Britt. She really looks blindsided. And now the tears. 
• Chris Harrison is such a jokester. I mean, he's had a decade or so to hone those mad skills.
• I want to be best friends with Kaitlin. She just seems like the coolest chick, right?
• Hahaha, Chris looks so grim when he explains she still has to go through the rose ceremony. "You're the bachelorette." As if "bachelorette" = POTUS or some such.
• Awww, the guys' excitement about Kaitlin is really cute.
• You're not "esstatic" about it, Justin. You might be "ECSTATIC," however. In which case, I also think you need to calm down.
• This Ian cat is a charmer.
• Loving that welded rose!! How crafty and cool. 
• Kaitlin's confidence and comfort is so easily discernible now that she's The One. 
• Let's get to that rose ceremony! 
• Hahaha, she's thrilled he told her that he voted for Britt because it's easier to knock him out now.
• It's funny--I think I'm more forgiving to the varied personalities of female contestants... I'm a little more critical of the dudes.
• Ahhh, JJ has a daughter! ...and a terrible midwestern accent. I like him, but voices are big for me...
• She is really, really giving him good face.
• The Nashville dentist reminds me a lot of Nate Archibald's politico cousin... what was his name? Tripp?
• That is a huge ass wine glass. I need something similar.
• Shawn B. has a McConaughey vibe about him.
• Yayyyy, and he gets that rose!
• I like him... just not loving the hair swoop situation. I have him in my top 5.
• What is happening with this Brady cat?
• Okay, that's admirable.
• Wait... he's going to go find Britt? 
• Oooooh, actually... I'm putting two and two together! Brady is from Nashville, and I saw recently via insta that Britt was in Nashville... could there be an ongoing relationship happening currently? 
• Yay, Texas boy was chosen!
• They all don't look nearly as attractive when they're lined up next to each other on that chopping block.
• Oh gosh... it's literally broad daylight when they're leaving. Talk about long night.
• Onto the previews--looks like ABC found their travel budget once again. No more passing off South Dakota as an exciting locale.
• Was that the Alamo?!
• Uh oh... that was Moonshine Joe professing his love... he must make it pretty far.
• Riverwalk! They ARE in San Antonio!
• Amy Schumer!!!!
• Oooh! A death threat! Maybe this 
• Whaaaat.... Nick??
• I always liked him until he called Andi out for shacking up on the After the Final Rose sitch.
• She really is kissing everyone...
• Maybe don't broadcast the breathy moaning.
• Tears. Drama. Sex. Gang's all here!
• Oh man... if she slept with Nick and then told them all, and now they want to murder him, that would sort of be karma in its best form.
• Oh man! So much happening!! So many emotions!
• Just like that, I'm sucked back into this tornado.
• Is Britt really still crying?
• Ooooh, I'm excited about that little reveal.
• My really premature top five--err, six...seven--are Ian, Shawn B.,  JJ and Ben the former NFL-er, Ryan from Florida. And Joshua the rose welder because making flowers out of metal is kind of badass in my book. And Chris/Tripp van der Bilt.

What do you think? Are you watching this season?