• Harrison's red watch is obnoxious.
• Ohhh man, get the sisters and mom in there. BIG GUNS, ABC.
• So many pretty girls. I think this season is one of the best in terms of prettiness.
• Oh, Mackenzie... forgot you're still with us.
• Ha, Kelsey. That was funny. You're in the clear, with your au naturel bit.
• Hey, Chris, "fun adventure" is a relative term.
• Kelsey--1955 called and wants its head scarf back.
• Oh... it's a neck scarf. Neat.
• Kardashleyian--that unbuttoned, gaping cut-off look is good on NO ONE. Not even your skinny little self.
• Ditto to the American flag bikini. 
• Oh... you're taking it off. Hmmmkay.
• Kaitlyn--pretty bikini! I dig it.
• Kelsey is coming off kinda whiny, but everything she is saying is so spot-on. Can't imagine having to frolic among half a dozen or so other chicks, some of whom are fine with stripping down at the drop of a hat.
• Gah, how nerve-wracking to have to entertain all of the female Soules.
• Jillian is walking oddly. Weird saunter due to too many squats by the pool.
• His sisters are kind of adorable.
• Whitney looks cute... but come ON... the annoying part is that the whine of it cuts in and out. So surely she's somewhat of aware of it. You countrify "Kentucky" but class it up for "Chicago?" No.
• I think it's good of the sisters to really hit home about living in Iowa. Like... IOWA.
• RED ROVER!!!!
• Oh, Kelsey, suck it up. I'm liking you less and less.
• HAHAHA, karma, little one.
• Oh man, I want to go camping!
• Ha--all these dumb girls setting up a tent. I definitely would win this one.
• (...although maybe not in a swimsuit. Not awesome).
• I'm also liking Carly more and more... despite the brow sitch.
• Awww, yay, Jade!
• And cue all the forced smiles!!
• Rose in the ice chest... hahahaha. Well done, ABC.
• I feel like Kaitlyn will make top 4. They have a solid chemistry.
• I like that they're having a chat about how  to relate to each other. Seems genuine.
• Kelsey looks painfully uncomfortable.
• Well, doesn't Juelia look really pretty  with that campfire glow.
• Kelsey's laugh is grating... definitely seems fake. Odd that I'm saying this right as Kardashleyian is, but I dare say that Kardashleyian is a bit more genuine than Kelsey has been. Despite her lash extensions and hair extensions and pageant makeup and whatnot.
• Oh my gosh... here we go with Crazy.
• SHUTUP about the damn aliens, Mac.
• "Ashley S. is entertaining. But like, possessed, crazy and scary at the same time." Spot on, Kaitlin.
• She is so insanely crazy. He is scared out of his mind.
• ...and she's interrupting him with these awkward kisses.
• He is LOSING his mind. Oh my goodness.
• I feel so unbelievably uncomfortable.
• She tells him he doesn't have to say anything... hahahahahaha.
• I really dig his plaid shirt + vest look.
• I didn't realize Kardashleyian was a "freelance journalist." That's basically code for "unemployed."
• Ewwww... nasally make-out.
• I bet Kaitlyn gets the rose.
• YAHTZEE.
• Where'd ABC find that little coyote to usher across the campsite?
• Hahahaha, he has no idea what she's saying.
• "He can probe at that area if he wants, later on." Ohhhh, girl.
• Britt is always hanging on someone. Odd.
• Okay: the fairytale scenario is pretty amazing.
• "Ashley I. is going to cry." LOLOLOL.
• Ooooh, I'm loving that blue ikat dress.
• GLASS SLIPPERS. 
• Okay, so even if Jade doesn't get picked, she gets to go home with princess slippers and tons of ice. How amazing.
• Neil Lane was probably overwhelmed with all of the diamonds he's had returned from past Bachelorettes and had to figure out what to do with 'em... "ehh, make some earrings and give em to one of the other girls."
• She really does look like a princess.
• It's cool that he doesn't know who it is.
• Man looks good in a tux.
• Awww, he looks genuinely happy to see her.
• She needs more color on her face.
• They're not super chatty. Forced conversation.
• CORN AND CHAMPS.
• Kardashleyian's dress is gorgeous.
• They can't converse for anything, but the dancing scene is sweet.
• ABC is pushing the whole Cinderella thing a little too much, no?
• It's MIDNIGHT, GIRL.
•  They're boxes. No need to squeal.
• Ugh. Weird, forced toast in the limo.
• Ha, Jillian is upset because her ass isn't hanging out.
• LOL--Britt is always the first to race up to him for a hug.
• Becca looks amazing!
• Hahahaha, and just like that, Jillian is all about it again.
• Yayyy, M.S. Society. I like that.
• "Is her muscle bigger than Chris's muscle??" HAHAHAHAHA. Bless you, Carly.
• Britt manages to look amazing even when she's vomming.
• Ugh. This feels awkward.
• Yeahhhh, he's not feeling it.
• She's way, way too into herself. 
• But in her defense, it's gotta be tough to have to sell yourself in precious time, but not come off as conceited.
• But still, I think she's probably conceited.
• Awkward to watch. So uncomfortable.
• I find myself wondering when these confessional interludes happen...before or after the breaking off. Surely she's not talking about how confident she is after he kicks her out.
• ... and how he gets prompted to cue the breakup. Is there a cameraman in the background cuing him to get the ball rolling on wrapping up the night?
• Whoa... you can see the emotion just wipe across her face. She wasn't expecting that.
• Yeah... nothing about that dress says "wife material."
• Britt with the berry lip! Megan with the Evian spray!
• Carly looks awesome in her blush dress and statement necklace.
• Really love Megan's dress (orrr the front of it anyway).
• Yeah, pretty sure starting a conversation with a guy by saying "tell me what you got out of X conversation" isn't a great intro.
• Her nails look awesome.
• But sweet Lord, she's so drunk. Words slurring left and right.
• Mackenzie totally wants to hear bad news from Kardashleyian.
• I'm not the least bit surprised that this BFF posse trio is Megan, Mackenzie and Kardashleyian.
• "Her mouth is not a virgin." Hahahahahaha.
• Becca is a virgin too! Get it, girl!
• Now Kardashleyian is totally miffed that she doesn't have the edge.
•  Britt--sister, why are you doing the double dangle earring thing? WEIRD.
• Season after season, I can't ever understand why women ever confront the dude about "where things stand." A check-in is one thing, but the pushing them in a corner is a little ridiculous... he is not JUST your boyfriend. Don't make him justify his choices when there are 10 other women inside. If you're going to pull this, do it when there are a couple of you remaining.
• "You ready for another rose ceremony?" - Chris Harrison, with yet another poignant one-liner. 
• Here we go!
• Oh man... Britt is safe.
• I feel bad for Juelia, but it's obvious he has stronger chemistry with many other girls.
• Look how creepily Ashley is looking at him. She's totally going to murder him.
• I love Nikki's dress.
• The producers must arrange the departure on some level... he clearly wanted to talk to Juelia, but what if Crazy Ashley had lingered? Do they subtly usher them out? How does all of this work?!
• Ooooh, hot air balloons.
• Santa Fe, eh? Is it just me, or have they really cut down the budget? Andi was an all-star globetrotter, but here, it's all about the American hot spots.
• Whoaaaa, pornographic breathing Carly.
• Kelsey!! You little minx!
• Oh sweet Jesus. Pull yourself together.

And there you go. Another week, another two hours of my life gone. But yet, I can't quit you, Bachelor.

Winter in Nashville is in high gear. While no, we thankfully haven't been bombarded by any level of hellacious blizzard action, it's been dragging. I've done my best to get out, but this past week has worn on me.

Tuesday night was a highlight, as I was able to attend a Baylor event here in town, all about the impact of the works of C.S. Lewis.

I always love spending time with Baylor people--feels like home to me. Meanwhile, we did get a sweet dusting of snow on Friday night, which was just delightful... any sight of snow makes me light up like a toddler at Christmas. I love, love the sight of snow.

Saturday night, we spent partying for a good friend's birthday--dinner at the Sutler, Escape Game (we escaped!), and drinks at Sinema (complete with hijacked birthday cake)... it was a blast.

Sunday, I was more than a little run down and tapped into my first hot toddy for a cure--not too shabby! I could practically feel my airways opening up... good stuff (ST's top notch bourbon probably helped a bit too... I'm slowly easing into the bourbon game).

Happy Monday!

I'm fascinated with browser histories. Not that I go around creeping through peoples' phones (truly, I promise!), but I can't tell you how many times I've thought, "gah, if someone ever saw the things I search for, I'd lose any and all of my street cred." You can pore over all of the social media profiles and resumes one person can toss your way, but at the end of the day, the random bits of info expeditiously searched for on cell phones are just endlessly intriguing to me. To put it mildly, this post has been a long time coming.

And yes, I think phone searches are so much more potentially incriminating, because you always have your phone on you. Those crucial inquiries that take place in the palm of your hand, at any time of day--those are what will shed light on who you are.

That being said, here's what I have pulled up on my phone right now (no deletions!), and subsequent, attempted justification... judge away.

• Search for "tree trunk ornaments." So we could slice off a bit to commemorate our first real tree!
• The insanely awesome T-Swiz mash-up by local girl, Louisa Wendorff. You know... so I could listen to it for the 90 millionth time.
• Search for "spirit animal." So I could be sure I used the term correctly in a text.
• Patti Lupone on IMDB--ST and I saw her in American Horror Story last week (season 3 binge-watching session) and I pulled up her page to find the timing of her appearance in GIRLS versus American Horror Story. It's a wild life we lead.
• A new recipe for baked kale chips (...they weren't great.)
• Tracking info on my most recent J. Crew purchase (it's been a while since I cleared this cache!)
• News article about a fight that broke out in the food court of our local mall. So I could read the details over dinner to friends... hard-hitting news and whatnot.
• Warby Parker's annual report maker. Ever-so-cool, as WP tends to be.
• Movie times--before our date Friday night.
• Fudge recipe... was crazy nostalgic craving some fudge after all of the references in "We Were Liars." And thus looked up recipes and tortured myself for a solid 10 minutes before moving on to what was assuredly my next riveting task.
• "Happeseat" car cover. Let's just say, I have a dearest friend who's working on a competitor product. We're doing her market research for her.
• My literal, ridiculous search of "how long is tracy anderson workout." I was planning an evening, a few weeks back, and knew I had this little DVD tucked at home somewhere... clearly my commitment level is not terribly steadfast (also, DVD has two 30-minute workouts).
• "How long are tamales good for?" My stepmom brought frozen tamales from Texas for Christmas, and they sat way too long in the fridge. Cue all the tears.
• Lyrics to Jessie J's "Bang Bang." I make no apologies.
• Recipe for crockpot beef stew. Legit.
• Congress Clothing's crop of Baylor gear. No doubt searched for whilst watching the Cotton Bowl.
• FabFitFun's subscription box reviews (relatedly: is Giuliana no longer their spokesperson?)
• Search for "iphone speaker cardboard." I found a really nifty gadget for playing music, and then came up with a terrible search query to find it (and never found it).
• Latte recipe.
• Dog treat recipe.
• Grammarist article on "rack vs. wrack." I always confuse this for some reason!!
• Eater's map of Hottest Restaurants in Nashville right now.
• GIRLS' facebook page--so I could confirm the exactness of one of many favorite Ray quotes ("why don't you place just one crumb of human compassion on this fat-free muffin of sociopathic attachment?"). Ray is my favorite.
• The Varsity's menu... from our little rendezvous to Atlanta this week.
• Shoshanna gifs. Because they're the funniest damn things ever.
  
  
   

• Vinnie Louise and their adorable scarves and whatnot.
• Wikipedia article on the succession of Disney movies... made for a great breakfast conversation with my team last week (do you know which movie came first?)
• Lamon Luther -- the coolest furniture around. Swoon.
• Image search for Art Briles. Obviously.
• Search for "linkin park chester forearm." Gah, again... this is embarrassing. We ventured to the Linkin Park show this weekend (our friend Heidi is completely obsessed... we took one for the team). She reiterated, often and again, how Chester is her boyfriend and she's all about his forearm flame tats. So I had to look them up.
• "translatw is everyone alive spanish." I'm not big on grammatical correctness when it comes to google searching. Also, this is directly related to the previous line--Heidi spoke lots and lots of Spanish on Saturday night... so with the previous evening's events so very fresh on my mind, I researched my conjugated verbs prior to adding this to our ongoing group text on Sunday morning.
• Photo of Katy Perry's face superimposed over Paula Deen's. SAME PERSON.

• An adorable series of dog photos sent to me by a BFF. (which led me to find this super sweet commercial of a Puli and Dr. Pepper and omg, now I'm crying).
• Search for "yellow porch" so I could make some reservations for Restaurant Week later this week.

So, fairly boring. Lots of food... some dog stuff sprinkled in there too. Shopping and TV. That pretty much sums me up... although the admission of witnessing Linkin Park is utterly mortifying.

Okay, your turn: what's the most incriminating thing in your search history?

Week 3! Already?? Here's your spoiler alert: the crazy hasn't subsided.

• Uhhh, Jimmy Kimmel as a guest star? ABC is seriously reaching here... painfully desperate.
• Oh great, teaser of a girl gagging. #gross
• Happy to see more of Becca! Such a pretty girl.
• Britt, you've gotta get it together. The kissing is going to happen.
• The audio playover of the rooster crowing was all kinds of inauthentic.
• Ha. Chris and his expletive-laced wake-up is hilarious.
• His room is so very rustic industrial--like army barracks meets Legends of the Fall.
• Nikki totally looks like Jordana Brewster.
• Look at him, Chris Harrison is totally fan-girling over Kimmel.
• Apparently Jordan and Britt are BFF. Wouldn't have predicted that one.
• The "amazing" jar is kind of hilarious.
• I love all the disingenuous, glazed-eye, "I'm soooo happy for you" looks at the date announcement.
• Chris, button your shirt up.
• COSTCO.
• I love that she got so worked up over the date only to end up at everyone's fave wholesale grocery HQ.
• This is actually a cute date. Totally shows how laidback she is.
• But the crop top is a bit much.
• They truly look really comfortable together.
• "There aren't many girls who could handle this date with class." -- Chris. Uhh, you're not exactly doing anything morally crazy... pretty sure anyone would've put on a good face for the chance to keep on cruising through this insane process.
• Oh yeah, kiss her. That wasn't predictable.
• I wonder how much they had to persuade those kids to push them around in that inflatable ball.
• Montreal Steak Seasoning? Wow. So creme de la creme.
• Okay, I'm smiling. The smearing of the lipstick thing is kinda cute.
• Cue Kimmel playing third wheel.
• His banter is actually making it a little better.
• Gah, uncomfortable commentary about how many girls he'll sleep with.
• Chris's laugh is a bit grating, right?
• "Let's have a threesome, guys." Hahaha... Kimmel with the classy commentary.
• The scrilla is racking up in that jar. Find another adjective, guys!
• Carly--let those brows grow in, doll. Trust me on this one.
• Becca is so, so pretty.
• Direct message to Ashley S.: go home.
• Geez, lots of chicks on this date.
• Hahahahaha, I love Kimmel interrupting him. "You sonofabitch!" Hilarious.
• That gray spandex skirt number is very questionable.
• "Are there people on the farm?" LOLOL.
• "She's got some depth to her." ...timed as she's climbing into the hot tub. K.
• Kimmel eating wings in the hot tub whilst they make out. Couldn't be weirder.
• WHOA who is in that white dress? Cover up. (edited to add: it was Jillian. Shocker, right?)
• "Why are you kissing everyone else?" - Mackenzie. Uhhhh, girl. Think this one through.
• "If that's my competition, I have to do some pushups... throw on some child-sized shorts." - Becca. HAHAHA. You know it, girl.
• That corn looks really good.
• I love the city girl who is completely petrified to be engaging in this sort of rural activity... is it Nikki? 
• Gah, who the hell thought of this challenge?
• Jillian is a little too excited about all of this. You know she's freaking out about the prospect of a physical competition.
• And there you ago, a flexed shot of her showing as much.
• I would lose my mind if I had to frolic among chickens. Birds freak me out.
• "That's what their mooing at is her ass." Yes.
  
• Uhhhh, Carly, that hand motion. National television. Stop that.
• DAMN, CARLY. Badass!
• I would totally vom.
• I'm gagging right now.
• I hope Carly kicks Jillian's ass. That tiny cute little blonde outdoing the beast of a girl.
• Oh come on, get the rope untied, ditz.
• YAYYYYY. Carly!
• For winning, you get a brow pencil!!
• Jillian is soooo pissed.
• Stop apologizing, Carly. YOU DO YOU.
• "I know that I'm girly and sweet...but you are a man and I am a woman..." - Carly. All odd things to say. Don't do you that way.
• "She went in there and got herself a kiss." - Chris. Dude, you aren't a third-person color commentator on your own life.
• He couldn't be less jazzed to be dancing with her right now.
• Oh, but throw some making out into the equation and he's totally on board.
• "If it's a moment and it feels right?" Really, Chris? You're kissing alllll of 'em.
• Mackenzie, stop talking. Have you ever seen this show?
• Whoa, that face is terrible. And you're on a reality show, sister. Grow up.
• Jordan and Britt might hook up at this point. They're really close...
• I feel like Becca is so grounded.
• But in all Bachelor predictability, I don't feel like she'll "win his heart"... but she might be a great Bachelorette.
• Oh... no kissing. Way to slow it down, sister.
• Oooooh, suspense. "I need to earn it!" - Chris. But not with anyone else?
• Good for her for sticking to her guns. I'm sure it's tough in that environment to not get caught up.
• Kaitlin. ABS.
• Kardashleyian with Kim Crying Face!
• That vest is terrible (and suddenly Regina George is in my head: "...because that vest was disgusting!")
• She's such a cute girl... still struggling to get over that voice.
• Hahahaha, YOLO.
• I wonder if they really had the idea to crash it, or if it was subtly suggested...
• (I ate dinner in this 15ish minutes and subsequently missed the wedding crashing scene. My guess is, I didn't miss anything super pivotal.)
• And I return to Juelia describing her husband's suicide. Heavy.
• ...buuuut, this venting to him doesn't seem very retrospective--it sort of feels too fresh, right? I can't imagine such a loss, but maybe she's not ready to move on just yet.
• The lash extensions are out. of. control.
• Jade is cute. I like her swimsuit (but not the kimono).
• PUT YOUR ASS AWAY, JILLIAN.
• "Testing the bed." giggles! =  so tacky.
• Weird stripper heels.
• Ewww, this music.
• Meanwhile, Jills just being Jills in the hot tub.
• Uhhh... the weird nude lining of her swimsuit top looks awful on screen.
• "We're not interrupting, we're just joining. Is that okay??" Look at her face. It's not okay.
• How many random cameras must be tucked around the compound?
• The baby doll dress Mackenzie is wearing is all kinds of wrong.
• Gah, she looks so painfully uncomfortable just eeeeasing into that hot tub.
• How weird for them all to just sneak into the tub.
• Kardashleyian--the Cleopatra head chain thing is beyond weird.
• "I don't know, like, I just like, I just feel like..." - Kardashleyian, amidst the tears. 
• "It would be ridiculous if Jillian was the one." Hahahaha, we agree on that one, kid.
• Don't bitch at him about other girls. First rule of thumb. 
• And definitely don't cry about it. Kim Crying face again.
• She legit has a swimsuit model's bod though.
• Maybe it's the editing but I don't know how much I'm feeling Kelsey. She always kind of has a judgy sneer on her face.
• Is Britt wearing a tube top for the rose ceremony?
• She's always rocking that glitter eyeshadow, ain't she?
• Preeeetty sure Trina is heading home.
• Ughhhh, Ashley S. Really? Love that Kardashleyian's exaggerated eyeroll isn't at all concealed.
• Aaaand another one. What a B. Be grateful... entitlement won't get you anywhere, dear.
• Not tremendously surprised about who he's sending home.
• Oooooh, two virgins?!
• Heating up! So many tears!

What were your highlights from this week?

...and here we go!

• Kimberly... again, ill-fitting dress. But you're pretty ballsy. I dig the comeback.
• HA, love all the girls sitting hunched on the floor, like cheerleading tryouts or something.
• Oh man, Whitney's voice... can we get some voiceover action there? She's a frontrunner for me, but I hate the baby voice (as if you didn't know).
• I love how Soules keeps seeking permission from Harrison on everything.
• Awww, he brought her back. This won't earn her brownie points with the crew.
• Kelsey, it's really not that awkward... y'all have only been hanging out for what? Six hours? I liked her initially, but I think she's going to shape up to be a PITA.
• Ashley, there aren't any rules. Obviously he should make his own decisions. Chill out.
• Are chicken fights mandated for each season? Lame.
• These previews make me crazy uncomfortable.
• I want this Onion chick gone... the drama she offers isn't worth the creep factor.
• Digging that pink linen shirt, hombre.
• ...but not the half-zipped hoodie. You're still from Iowa.
• I love the mix of "just woke up" and pageant makeup.
• Gah, you know half of them will traipse on down and knock on his door.
• "There are no rules here." Translation? MAKE THIS AS CRAZY AS YOU CAN.
• Britt's already crying. Pull it together, girl.
• OMG someone almost fell. YES.
• NAILED it, Kardashleyian--you're so very Kardashian. Down to the lash extensions and nasally monotone.
• Kimberly looks pretty.
• Did Tara really have time to sleep off all that booze?
• Whoaaaaa, belly chain.
• "I've never been on a date with five other girls." Uhhhh, yeah, that's called normal life.
• What's happening with her swimsuit bottoms? Fix your bits, girl.
• Gah... Megan. Sweetheart, pull it together. "I'm losing brain cells." ...you're playing with a short stack anyway, dollface.
• GASP! "Tractors!" No one is that excited about racing tractors.
• Kardashleyian, the hoop earrings need to go.
• Ahhhh, Juelia is a mom!
• What a sad situation.
• Samantha... kinda don't remember you at all.
• Sitting on a dude's lap, on a tractor, donning a bikini, in the middle of a downtown LA street... seems normal.
• Those earrings could double as coasters, Mac.
• I love how dumbfounded all the other girls are that he chose her.
• And now they're all trying to justify his choice. Hahahaha.
• (pee break)
• Mackenzie likes big noses and might believe in aliens. K, I'm tuned back in.
• She seems so, so, so very young.
• "His name is Kale..." Ouch. Well, at least that's out of the bag.
• She instantly switched gears when she started talking about her little boy... which is sweet. But... she is 21.
• I kinda feel like he can't be denying roses on one-on-ones this early in the game.
• Ahhhh, kiss #2 (I'm going to do my best to keep track).
• Yes, it means a date, you idiot. I can't with this girl.
• "I absolutely 100% feel like I am head-over-heels for Chris." Like... no. No. (Sidenote: I genuinely wonder how much time has gone by since they all got corralled).
• Don't kiss and tell, Mac. Not going to end well.
• Trina... looking like a "teacher."
• It's a good thing Megan is so pretty.
• "The butterflies in my stomach are colorful and smiling..." Huh?
• Super cool date.
• Do you think the producers/writers solely plan these dates? Or does the Bachelor(ette) have any say at all, do you think?
• Wow... so many of these girls have major sob stories.
• Her whispering is kind of annoying.
• All the screaming is insane. 
• GET IT, BRITT.
• Onion girl is just all kinds of ridiculous. Sit her on the bench, Coach.
• Chris knows how to handle a gun.
• This girl is totally on drugs.
• Becca is so pretty!
• What's going on with Jordan?
• She is going to fall and die.
• Jillian chews with her mouth open. Nastiest thing ever.
• Oh wait--was she blurred out because she's fuzzy? Oh man. National television.
• I bet the girls who were kicked off last week are so pissed watching this... although obviously "last week" to me isn't their last week, as far as the show goes.
• Kaitlin has him intrigued. They have some kind of chemistry.
• He's totally about to kiss her.
• YEP. NAILED IT. What is that? #3?
• These girls trying to make sense of what the hell Onion face is saying is all kinds of crazy.
• Kiss on the cheek. That counts! #4.
• Please send her home. What is she on?!
• "What's your biggest fear?" Uhhh, you're top o' the list, sister.
• Chris, you're far too nice. Call it like it is.
• "Your leather smells really great." Stellar.
• "You don't want to lose the whole world... but actually, you don't want to gain the whole world. You don't want to lose your soul." I literally cannot type as fast as she is rattling off this insane BS.
• Yayyyy, Britt saves the day! 
• But not digging the Converse.
• "Holy schnikeys" Hahaha. Precisely, Chris. Precisely.
• Awww, a gift for Britt!! This is adorable.
• I guess #5? Although they've already kissed... but how cute is that premeditation?
• Kaitlin with the rose... ah whatever, Britt, you know you're still in his top picks.
• Tandra is a cutie... seems normal. Which is an obvious perk in this crew.
• Kelsey has a Catherine Giudici thing about her.
• Whitney looks awesome... love that red dress and gold pump combo.
• Ooooh, crafty with your little fireside picnic.
• How much of a trip must it be for this poor dude--going back and forth between trying to decipher crazy babble and then sharing super heartfelt moments with genuine girls?
• "No, he WILL like it. Guys like taking your virginity." Great observation, Mac Attack.
• And stop talking about how jealous you are of her... that's super awkward.
• She is stumbling alllll over the place.
• Oh my gosh.... stop playing with your bellybutton.
• Of course he's going to kiss her. 
• Oh wowwww. Has she ever kissed someone before? Yikes.
• What is that? #6?
• Is the porn music necessary?
• She looks so damn proud of herself. 
• Britt, sweetie. That makes me sad.
• This Alissa chick has huge, baby doll eyes.
• "Can I kiss you?" Girl, you're way behind... Amber--lucky #7!
• Jordan! Drunk again!
• Yes.... Trina with the first "Bless her heart."
• It's a shame she's so inebriated... she's a really pretty girl.
• Gah, he's so uncomfortable.
• His nervous laughing is a surefire sign that he does not want to kiss you, sweets.
• Harrison with the ding of death!
• Kardashleyian is rocking that I Dream of Genie getup.
• Yay, Britt. 1 for 1 for my favs.
• Tara seemed to hold it together this week... and now she's melting down.
• Kardashleyian gets one. Yeeks.
• Kelsey. 2 for 2.
• I want to see more of Samantha... she totally would fit in with the Real Housewives up north.
• Ohhhhhh man. Ohhhhhhhhh man, Jillian. Ohhhhhhh man. I am dying.
• Homegirl is praying she gets a rose now.
• Tracy... I like her. Haven't seen much of her. 
• There we go, Jillian. Redeemed yourself somewhat.
• Jade is cute... and walking gingerly.
• Becca! 3 for 3.
• Carly's brows are a little busted.
• Whitney, 4 for 4.
• Tara's melting down already.
• LAST ONE...
• What in the hell? What?
• Poor Kimberly... second rejection.
• You know ABC has to dictate who stays to some extent... why the hell would he keep that nutjob??
• Gah... gotta be heartbreaking to be bawling through your rejection and hear all the chosen ones cheering behind you.
• HA... the Jimmy Kimmel thing is hilarious.

What was your favorite meltdown of tonight?? So many to choose from!

...until next week!

Happy Monday! I'm certain I'm not the only gal who faced the challenge of toggling between channels last night... Golden Globes, Girls, Downton. Awards Season offers a little something to anticipate in the midst of the bleakness of winter... and I loved evaluating each and every frock to dance across that red carpet. Here's my good, bad and ugly:

The Good:

The ladies in red wowed me... I really loved Allison Williams's, Viola Davis's and even racy little Heidi Klum's get-ups. 





Huge fan of all the whimsical and white.  Especially Chrissy Teigen and Emily Blunt.





Also really loved Jenna Dewan Tatum's whole look--edgy waves with the asymmetrical pale yellow and perfect makeup. So pretty.


And my absolute favorites of the night were definitely K. Heigl's navy number (fit her like a glove and the pleated accent made it just the right amount of interesting) and Miss Stone's super sleek jumpsuit. WOW.



The Bad:

I feel like Anna Kendrick always looks so safe.. she's adorable, but the princessy pink didn't do it for me. She looks like a little girl.


I really liked the eggplant color on Katie Holmes, but the bottom half was so boring... and wrinkled. Looked like an off-the-rack bridesmaid's dress that was too long.

I really like Ruth Wilson (The Affair was a surprise of show this year--really evocative and interesting manner in which they film the characters' perspectives), but this dress was way too retro for me.


Aaaaand, the ugly:

Kate Mara. No ma'am. So much wrong with this.


And Keira, while I realize you're pregs, that's no excuse. This doily lampshade situation is terrible.


Again, Wiig is one of my favs... but not a fan of this pile of fabric either.


 Zosia. No. Looks completely mismatched and way too billowy.



In terms of moments (and I didn't watch it all, p.s.)--I loved Gina Rodriguez's acceptance speech. I loved Clooney's sweet solo to Amal (although she looked completely bored the whole time, IMO), and I loved that "Boyhood" won--we just watched it this weekend, and it was just such a heartwarming and real movie. And the fact that it was filmed in Texas was a bit of a draw for me too.

What really took the cake was Diane Kruger's obvious elation when "The Affair" won (her longtime love Joshua Jackson is in it), and I really, really loved seeing Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal in all of their perfect siblingdom, get super excited for each other. How much freaking talent can one family possess, I ask you? Gahhh, didn't he look amazing last night?


Can't wait for Oscar night!! Who do you think nailed it last night?

Here I go, kicking off 2015 with some top quality content!

And by "top quality content," I'm of course referring to a play-by-play recap of last night's Bachelor premiere. I haven't been a total loyalist to the ridiculous franchise, but somewhere along the way, I began a pseudo-tradition of taking notes and predicting the winner.

This isn't a totally original idea... can't take credit for it completely. One of the first bloggers I ever started following chronicled her Bach watch parties with her family. While my reporting will not be exactly like hers, she has laid the groundwork for my format.

So, if all goes as planned, I'll offer a little episode guide each week right here, best approached as you watch on your own. So if you're not into spoilers, steer clear. Reality Steve ain't got nothing on this.

Here we go!


Red Carpet Hour:

• What is this red carpet business? Have we fallen so far that we have to entice viewership by dragging old cast members back? (I mean, the answer is obviously yes, but damn.)
• But I'll admit, I'm kinda into it... but THREE HOURS LONG??
• Farming intro is predictable, but super cute. Chris is so good-looking, and it's really endearing that he's so passionate about his roots (NO PUN).
• "I feel like the luckiest man alive." = first line in the script the producers FedEx contestants.
• Gah, all the farming and love puns = CORNY (see what I did there?) 
• All of the old men hanging out at the meat-and-three are crazy adorable.
• Aaaand cue Cody the trainer.
• Lifting hay bales, huh? Easy way to streamline a workout sesh with those rural surroundings. While being filmed.
• Guy looks good in a checkered shirt.
• I don't dig motorcycles. What say you?
• Do you think they train all of the Bachelor(ettes) on nailing that wistful, faraway stare into the horizon?
• Catherine Lowe is so pregs.
• I loved Deanna!!! Little Greek sasspot.
• I wonder what the alcohol budget is for this show.
• I wonder what Chris Harrison's salary is.
• Ohhhh, Catherine and Sean, here we go (didn't watch their season, p.s.)
• What the hell is she wearing?
• Weird, vague references to kids.
• She's really cute... he kind of annoys me, but seems like a good guy. And as silly as it may sound, he seems like a Texas guy.
• Okay, we really didn't want all of that advice from you, chap. Settle down.
• Marcus and Lacy... so good-looking. Glad she's tamed down her makeup situation. But girl, pick up a book. Also, what cloud do they live on? They seem even more aloof than the standard Bach cast member.
• Britt is gorgeous! ...and whoa, skinny.
• Is ombre still a thing?
• Crop tops, man.
• She has a Chrissy Teigen vibe... I like her.
• Whoaaaaa, Dominique Moceanu. Easy with that.
• How awkward must a workplace filming be? How many takes? Who do you allow to be in the shot with you? So many questions!
• You know she's a Crossfitter...wearing boob tape.
• WHOA QUADS.
• Ballet instructor is so very midwestern. That voice.
• "I like not paying bills and I don't cook, and I don't clean." Sounds like stellar wife material!
• She has pretty hair though.
• Whitney... awesome profession. Terribly grating voice. 
• BUT OMG CUTE DOG.
• But that voice. Damn.
• Mackenzie... downer of an intro by that waterway. Kinda has a Twilight vibe, doesn't it?
• KALE? Are you effing kidding? Naturally, they're both wearing green.
• She looks like an infant. 
• Oooooh, the flight attendant is a cutie. And she has a great voice.
• I'm apparently big on voices.
• Still can't get over that that kid's name is Kale.
• All those creepy dudes and roses. LOLOL.
• HEYYYY TEXAS FLAG!
• Cute girl... seems genuine straight away.
• Widow?! How sad.
• Paddleboarding! Always wanted to do that in Austin!
• She is so cute. And not just because she's from Texas. Top 5, for sure.
• I didn't love Clare during her season, but I do now. She's really pretty.
• Yawn. Andi and Josh. She's super gorgeous and they really do appear to be happy together... but doesn't she seem so into herself? I liked her on the season but ever since, she is just nauseating to me.
• Ha, how awkward to cue into the "super cute farmer from Iowa on your season." 
• "...also Josh was good friends with him..." you mean, your fiance doesn't want to be BFF with someone who was in love with you? Go figure.
• Please notice how she's reassuringly rubbing Josh's back the entire time she's talking about Chris. Weird.
• Also didn't love Nikki during her season, but I do now. "Esss okay."
• The heavy percussion and strings score on this crap really amps up the drama factor.
• Wow, Nikki is really eloquent and pouring this out in an honest, respectable way.
• "We were all trying to save you!" - Chris Harrison. Are you allowed to say that, bro?
• She really handled that with class.
• Oooooh, Bachelor Fantasy League! I need to find that bracket!
  

The Real Deal:

• Ahh, the telltale footage of California coastline and a hottie on wheels. Standard Bach setting.
• LOLOL, love that he's so vocal about hating this wardrobe situation.
• There's that wistful stare!
• I mean, do you think he's really naked in that outdoor shower? As he's being filmed? Odd.
•  The limo giggling and squealing is soooo tired.
• "His smile is just a panty-dropper." Unnecessary, Ballerina Barbie. Also, I looooathe the P word.
• Oh my gosh, Britt is the cutest. Great dress.
• I adore her already... but is she a crazy? Can't tell yet.
• Whitney... your voice got okay and then you said your name. And then you kept talking.
• And uh yeah, you would definitely be there if it wasn't him. Let's be real.
• Kelsey! Top 5.
• Ahhh, Megan! From Nashville! Pretty hair. And not wearing a ton of makeup like most makeup artists do. How refreshing.
• Ashley kinda has a Kardashian vibe. Little bit plastic-y. Little bit monotone.
• Trina, "special ed teacher." Might be code for "stripper."
• What's with the ice chest? And "Reegan?" 
• No. Put it down, girl.
• "That's awesome." = "what in the hell?"
• Kinda cute that Tara rolls up in her cowgirl duds. Well-played.
• All of the girls are stunned, and "I'd never wear that!" but they're way jealous they didn't think to wear the same.
• Oh, girl. Yelling "Jameson on the rocks!" across the sea of fembots won't bode well for you.
• Nikki. Pretty. Kinda plastic-y.
• Round 2 with Jameson!
• Ooooh, 80's shoulder tat. You're not old enough for that ink placement, pussycat.
• This note thing is weird... but her Egyptian crop top dress situation is weirder.
• She's totally rocking an Isla Fisher in Wedding Crashers vibe.
• Jillian... pretty and confident. But still can't stop thinking about your sinewy legs.
• Tone it down with the work-out jokes. We get it.
• Mackenzie... you look 15. And you have a kid named "Kale."
• Ashley from Brooklyn... gorgeous dress. Odd expression, intense eyes.
• Kaitlyn... Miley Cyrus vibe. And OMG with that R-rated talk. Ooooh, and those arm tats.
• Nashville Megan doesn't have a lot going on upstairs.
• Ahhh, the forced laughing.
• "Let me talk first and you can tell your joke next..." CRACK THAT WHIP, SOULES.
• Gross joke. 
• "I've watched this show half my life..." Ashley, who's "24." Girl, you don't look 24.
• Ooooh yeah! One-on-one time with my girl!
• Maybe a little TMI for a first-date... It's still early in the game, dollface.
• They clearly have chemistry.
• Ooooooh, KISS HER NOW.
• Okay, so I know if he kissed her it'd be total suicide, but I really like her. 
• "Where are the girls?!" - Trina. Maybe not a stripper... lesbian?
• Kelsey is a keeper...but give the rose to Britt!
• All these broads go to the same hairstylist. #mombob
• Whitney... I like you, but we have to do something about that whine.
• Seriously, how overwhelming would it be to hear variations of "this is the night of a lifetime" from dozens of people in a few hours?
• No one cares about Peru.
• BIG EYES. He can't even stay focused on her. She has stolen all of the focus. Poor guy.
• Kinda funny to me that the girls at the house seem to think they have an edge.
• Awww, I like Clare. She seems super down-to-earth.
• Uhhh, didn't realize Chris Harrison was divorced. Sad. (Thanks, Google).
• Trina waiting in the wings.
• Samantha has dead eyes. 
• All the brunettes with extensions kinda look the same, right? Gorgeous, lithe and a little bit plastic.
• Put your arm down, Crossfit.
• "Juelia?" ...rough.
• Cute sparkly dress. I like this one. Becca trickled her way into my top 5.
• "Now the competition is real." - Rocket Scientist Barbie, Megan from Nashville.
• Tracy has a Molly Sims vibe... classically pretty and that dress fits her like a glove.
• Do you think they have sign-ups for their peculiar intro ideas? They can't have everyone jet in on a motorcycle.
• Alissa. Cute intro with that flight attendant bit.
• Jordan... odd jewelry and such. But cheers to that whiskey toast.
• Redhead with the pig nose... can't tell if he's digging it, but I think she's cute. Pretty dress--green is definitely in her color palette.
• Whoa, WWE. No ma'am. Tone it down.
• Are the girls always this bitchy? I mean, they are, right? I can't remember it ever being this catty.
• Carly... your cruise ship background is showing, girl.
• Saying "25 women? I can handle," is a little presumptuous, Whit.
• I love that they're all so pissed that there are 30 total girls. Like 25 is a breeze.
• Teacher Tracy is cute. 
• Bo is pretty... sad to say, I think he'll nix her because she's not a size 2.
• Kimberly... short dress. Plastic brunette status.
• Jade is cute. I like her dress. They have an awkward exchange though... probably because he's already chatted with 29 other chicks.
• Miley is confident, and I think he digs that. 
• Blonde Tracy is more of a Monet. Not as striking as I originally thought.
• "I wish I was a polygamist right now." -- Chris. Finally, some honesty.
• Onion reference... girl. Giiiiirl, stop. And you're a little too abrasive with your stealing tactics. I wouldn't have been as pleasant as WWE girl was.
• Onion? I am so uncomfortable.
• "I want to run through the sunflower fields." - crazy onion girl. "Where is this conversation going?" - Megan. Hahahahaha, smartest thing she's said all night.
• Redheaded kid doesn't know what alfalfa is. Bless her heart.
• Ohhhh yeah, bust out that booze, cowgirl.
• "Sport Fishing Enthusiast" = unemployed bumpkin.
• YAYYYYY! Rose to Britt! She's so painfully adorable. They are adorable together. Let's let them pair off and watch the other gals fight for a few weeks, yes? I mean, that's basically what's happening, yes? Ahhh, a kiss!
• "This is going to be trouble..."Total doll.
• CUE THE DAGGER EYES DEATH STARES. 
• Just like clockwork, there's Chris Harrison to cue the ruining the dreams of a select few.
• Michelle Money, what is going on with you? Rude.
• Andi, stop trying to make "we showered," happen. 
• Also, you're trying way too damn hard. You're not a real celebrity. Easy with the guffawing and over-the-top dramatic faces. Liked you a lot more when you were a solid-to-the-earth Atlanta girl.
• "I gave up a lot to be here." - Whitney. Also in the script producers send to contestants.
• Kaitlin picked first? Well, at least it won't be a boring season.
• Samantha is either super collected or popping Xanax like Tic-Tacs.
• Kardashleyian got a rose.
• Nikki stole some of Sam's Xanax.
• Yayyyyy, Kelsey!
• Tara's heavy panting is making me supremely uncomfortable.
•  Yayyyyy, Becca!
• Trina the Stripper clings to another week.
• Tara, lock it up.
• Can't tell if Chris is trying not to laugh or totally digusted.
• Jordan is a bit too gypsy queen for my liking.
• Jillian would have beat his ass if he didn't give her a rose.
• Ashley? Ummm... can we agree that producers dictate that a certain percentage of crazy factor has to remain until the last few episodes?
• Bummed the redhead got axed. She seemed solid.
• Peace, Big Eyes Ballerina.
• Kara's Kentucky blue dress didn't work out... and don't announce that you're "just a little servant" on national TV. Bizarre.
• He totally checked out yoga girl's caboose as he kicked it out the door. A little surprised he chose others over her... despite her ill-fitting dress.
• Tara's eyes are barely open... you know he can smell that on her.
• Oh man, yoga got ballsy. But don't worry, Chris Harrison is here with a SUPER DRAMATIC segue.

Up Next:

• Lots of Britt and Kelsey in the previews!
• Kardashleyian's kissing style is nauseating.
• My guess is, that's Kaitlin who just got naked on the pier.
• "I would rather chew glass and wash it down with a bag of hair than lose to her."
• Sex in a tent... fantastic.
• Kardashleyian totally has Kim Crying Face!!
• Why must someone always have a meltdown on the floor?
• SO MANY TEARS.
• Whitney has a Rosamund Pike thing about her. 
• SO MUCH TONGUE.
• The snowy cornfields of Iowa look so very lonely.
• And then the limo breezing through that country back road looks even more out of place.

 So, I think that means, my top 8 are as follows: Britt, Kelsey, Whitney, Alissa, Becca, Carly and Megan.

What about you?!


...until next week, friends!!!

So, 2014? you weren't half bad. Here are some highlights...

With spring in high gear, the foodie trend continued on. Tried a Nashville staple (hot chicken!) for the first time (subsequently fell in love). Completed a Pure Barre challenge and managed to genuinely love it through the pain (21 classes in 30 days sounds a lot easier than it is in reality). Partied at Highballs and Hydrangeas with my girlfriends and ST, and knocked another Nashville to-do off my list. Discovered a recipe for Oatmeal Cream Pies that is insanely good and instantly became a new go-to. Chopped off my mane in favor of a springy 'do. Started winding down my days with my favorite little four-year-old. Indulged in springy foodstuffs from Trader Joe's. TJ's gets me every. damn. time.


Watched my favorite teeny girl become a tiny dancer... right about the time they had to move on to a full-time nanny and my heart broke into a million pieces. Kicked off the first of many grill sessions with ST. Spent Memorial Day in Birmingham with the dearest of old friends. Watched ST build some badass shelves for our living room with his bare hands. Introduced Maiz to Home Depot (she loved it. obvi). Jumped headfirst into freelance event work. Had some pup playdates. Worked Vanderbilt graduation and had a bittersweet lunch date before sending my fantastic little student worker back home to St. Louis to change the world.



Invested in camping gear... for everyone. Headed home to Texas for the first of what is promised to be a traditional summertime camping trip (complete with this 8-person raft that is undoubtedly the coolest thing I'll ever float on). Took Cary to DC for a little educational escape--prompting lots of memories from my childhood trips. I sneaked away to the Library of Congress for a rainy afternoon while the boys finished at the Natural Science Museum. The Peach Truck became a sweet, sweet staple in our home. I helped throw a baby shower for my dearest Chelsea, and we carried on with Daddy Day Donuts as a Father's Day tradition.


We practically swam in fresh vegetables, they were everyone in our house. Partied for Chelsea's birthday with an extended girls' night out. Was "inducted" as a skimm'bassador. Witnessed downtown Independence Day fireworks from our rooftop. Officially celebrated Cary into being a teenager. Logged lots of outside time with Maiz. Found a chocolate cake recipe that quickly became ST's most requested dessert. Hosted my dear college friend in Nashville for her second visit. Dug up a peach shortbread recipe (to alleviate the leftover peach problem from the Peach Truck obsession, clearly) that is a new favorite (never really realized quite how much I bake before drafting this post).

Ahhh... The Month of Work Travel! August kicked off lots and lots of travel for us. I headed first to Charlotte for a work trip, and a few days later, another one in Houston (where I was fortunate enough to stay with my BFF Jorden and soak up a few days with her). Celebrated Grace's birthday on the farm. Headed back to Texas for my ten-year high school reunion and the first Baylor game at McLane Stadium. Hosted more dinner parties at home (and I find myself thinking, "when were we home?!"). Had the hottest date at my reunion, and spent really good quality time with my childhood BFF as well.


Celebrated my third brother's wedding in Texas. Loved on sweet baby Luke (born August 25th!) and his awesome parents. ST and I heard Griffin House (an old favorite of mine) play as part of the Americana Music Fest... and I saw my first Symphony performance earlier the same night (we're hardcore like that). Had a super successful first Family Weekend at work. Kept up with our routine of allowing Maiz to accompany us to Home Depot. Volunteered with some sweet kids with our church. Saw the Wild Feathers at Live on the Green with my girlfriends (all of me was there, despite the photo evidence).


November was the month that rivaled August with the travel bit... fall was officially in full swing in Nashville. My awesome boss and I headed to San Diego for an incredibly inspiring conference... and I got to see my sweet aunt, uncle and cousin! The girls and I kept on discovering new happy hours locations (heyyyy, the Sutler!). I got to spend some sweet, sweet time with my two favorite Nashville girls. I wished a dear work friend farewell as she moseyed on to a new job. ST and I headed to Charleston for the first of two weddings... we had a fabulous time celebrating Nicole and Todd--and Maizie appreciated her beach time. We celebrated my birthday dinner there (Fleet Landing is fabulous), before heading to Texas a few days later for wedding #2 with Courtney and Joey. We hosted our dear friends for Friendsgiving, and spent Thanksgiving in Texas with my family--and managed to squeeze in a Baylor game too.



Happy, happy new year to you and your's. Thank you for sticking around with me.