M is for MOXIE.

 

//via.//

...and here we go!

• Kimberly... again, ill-fitting dress. But you're pretty ballsy. I dig the comeback.
• HA, love all the girls sitting hunched on the floor, like cheerleading tryouts or something.
• Oh man, Whitney's voice... can we get some voiceover action there? She's a frontrunner for me, but I hate the baby voice (as if you didn't know).
• I love how Soules keeps seeking permission from Harrison on everything.
• Awww, he brought her back. This won't earn her brownie points with the crew.
• Kelsey, it's really not that awkward... y'all have only been hanging out for what? Six hours? I liked her initially, but I think she's going to shape up to be a PITA.
• Ashley, there aren't any rules. Obviously he should make his own decisions. Chill out.
• Are chicken fights mandated for each season? Lame.
• These previews make me crazy uncomfortable.
• I want this Onion chick gone... the drama she offers isn't worth the creep factor.
• Digging that pink linen shirt, hombre.
• ...but not the half-zipped hoodie. You're still from Iowa.
• I love the mix of "just woke up" and pageant makeup.
• Gah, you know half of them will traipse on down and knock on his door.
• "There are no rules here." Translation? MAKE THIS AS CRAZY AS YOU CAN.
• Britt's already crying. Pull it together, girl.
• OMG someone almost fell. YES.
• NAILED it, Kardashleyian--you're so very Kardashian. Down to the lash extensions and nasally monotone.
• Kimberly looks pretty.
• Did Tara really have time to sleep off all that booze?
• Whoaaaaa, belly chain.
• "I've never been on a date with five other girls." Uhhhh, yeah, that's called normal life.
• What's happening with her swimsuit bottoms? Fix your bits, girl.
• Gah... Megan. Sweetheart, pull it together. "I'm losing brain cells." ...you're playing with a short stack anyway, dollface.
• GASP! "Tractors!" No one is that excited about racing tractors.
• Kardashleyian, the hoop earrings need to go.
• Ahhhh, Juelia is a mom!
• What a sad situation.
• Samantha... kinda don't remember you at all.
• Sitting on a dude's lap, on a tractor, donning a bikini, in the middle of a downtown LA street... seems normal.
• Those earrings could double as coasters, Mac.
• I love how dumbfounded all the other girls are that he chose her.
• And now they're all trying to justify his choice. Hahahaha.
• (pee break)
• Mackenzie likes big noses and might believe in aliens. K, I'm tuned back in.
• She seems so, so, so very young.
• "His name is Kale..." Ouch. Well, at least that's out of the bag.
• She instantly switched gears when she started talking about her little boy... which is sweet. But... she is 21.
• I kinda feel like he can't be denying roses on one-on-ones this early in the game.
• Ahhhh, kiss #2 (I'm going to do my best to keep track).
• Yes, it means a date, you idiot. I can't with this girl.
• "I absolutely 100% feel like I am head-over-heels for Chris." Like... no. No. (Sidenote: I genuinely wonder how much time has gone by since they all got corralled).
• Don't kiss and tell, Mac. Not going to end well.
• Trina... looking like a "teacher."
• It's a good thing Megan is so pretty.
• "The butterflies in my stomach are colorful and smiling..." Huh?
• Super cool date.
• Do you think the producers/writers solely plan these dates? Or does the Bachelor(ette) have any say at all, do you think?
• Wow... so many of these girls have major sob stories.
• Her whispering is kind of annoying.
• All the screaming is insane. 
• GET IT, BRITT.
• Onion girl is just all kinds of ridiculous. Sit her on the bench, Coach.
• Chris knows how to handle a gun.
• This girl is totally on drugs.
• Becca is so pretty!
• What's going on with Jordan?
• She is going to fall and die.
• Jillian chews with her mouth open. Nastiest thing ever.
• Oh wait--was she blurred out because she's fuzzy? Oh man. National television.
• I bet the girls who were kicked off last week are so pissed watching this... although obviously "last week" to me isn't their last week, as far as the show goes.
• Kaitlin has him intrigued. They have some kind of chemistry.
• He's totally about to kiss her.
• YEP. NAILED IT. What is that? #3?
• These girls trying to make sense of what the hell Onion face is saying is all kinds of crazy.
• Kiss on the cheek. That counts! #4.
• Please send her home. What is she on?!
• "What's your biggest fear?" Uhhh, you're top o' the list, sister.
• Chris, you're far too nice. Call it like it is.
• "Your leather smells really great." Stellar.
• "You don't want to lose the whole world... but actually, you don't want to gain the whole world. You don't want to lose your soul." I literally cannot type as fast as she is rattling off this insane BS.
• Yayyyy, Britt saves the day! 
• But not digging the Converse.
• "Holy schnikeys" Hahaha. Precisely, Chris. Precisely.
• Awww, a gift for Britt!! This is adorable.
• I guess #5? Although they've already kissed... but how cute is that premeditation?
• Kaitlin with the rose... ah whatever, Britt, you know you're still in his top picks.
• Tandra is a cutie... seems normal. Which is an obvious perk in this crew.
• Kelsey has a Catherine Giudici thing about her.
• Whitney looks awesome... love that red dress and gold pump combo.
• Ooooh, crafty with your little fireside picnic.
• How much of a trip must it be for this poor dude--going back and forth between trying to decipher crazy babble and then sharing super heartfelt moments with genuine girls?
• "No, he WILL like it. Guys like taking your virginity." Great observation, Mac Attack.
• And stop talking about how jealous you are of her... that's super awkward.
• She is stumbling alllll over the place.
• Oh my gosh.... stop playing with your bellybutton.
• Of course he's going to kiss her. 
• Oh wowwww. Has she ever kissed someone before? Yikes.
• What is that? #6?
• Is the porn music necessary?
• She looks so damn proud of herself. 
• Britt, sweetie. That makes me sad.
• This Alissa chick has huge, baby doll eyes.
• "Can I kiss you?" Girl, you're way behind... Amber--lucky #7!
• Jordan! Drunk again!
• Yes.... Trina with the first "Bless her heart."
• It's a shame she's so inebriated... she's a really pretty girl.
• Gah, he's so uncomfortable.
• His nervous laughing is a surefire sign that he does not want to kiss you, sweets.
• Harrison with the ding of death!
• Kardashleyian is rocking that I Dream of Genie getup.
• Yay, Britt. 1 for 1 for my favs.
• Tara seemed to hold it together this week... and now she's melting down.
• Kardashleyian gets one. Yeeks.
• Kelsey. 2 for 2.
• I want to see more of Samantha... she totally would fit in with the Real Housewives up north.
• Ohhhhhh man. Ohhhhhhhhh man, Jillian. Ohhhhhhh man. I am dying.
• Homegirl is praying she gets a rose now.
• Tracy... I like her. Haven't seen much of her. 
• There we go, Jillian. Redeemed yourself somewhat.
• Jade is cute... and walking gingerly.
• Becca! 3 for 3.
• Carly's brows are a little busted.
• Whitney, 4 for 4.
• Tara's melting down already.
• LAST ONE...
• What in the hell? What?
• Poor Kimberly... second rejection.
• You know ABC has to dictate who stays to some extent... why the hell would he keep that nutjob??
• Gah... gotta be heartbreaking to be bawling through your rejection and hear all the chosen ones cheering behind you.
• HA... the Jimmy Kimmel thing is hilarious.

What was your favorite meltdown of tonight?? So many to choose from!

...until next week!